It Was Just One Slap

12

October 27, 2014 by Kambili M.A. Chimalu

Really? One slap and you are done? what if it was a mistake? What if he apologizes for his mistake. So you just walk away from a home you have built over the years.How are you so sure that someone outside is not firing your home and knows you would leave because you are so impatient?

Hitting is not the worst thing and most times men/guys don’t just hit unnecessarily. When a woman rants ceaselessly the best thing to shut
her trap is some form of slap and she will shut up immediately. It happens to me all the time and I can rant like hell. Until my man hits some sense into me I will drive him mad with my ranting.

Domestic violence is an issue that is very close to my heart. One of my earliest memories is of a man that used to stay in our apartment complex beating his wife with the same cane he used in hitting his children. For years, I didn’t understand the gravity of the situation, but as I got older, I understood how dire the situation was and was left wondering with questions of why she stayed.

The quotes above are from the comment section of a popular blog and I am filled with despair. The more I listen to some people (Nigerian women) try to rationalize or excuse abuse, the more I see why men continue to get away with inflicting untold damage on the women they have sworn to love.

NOTHING ON THIS PLANET OR UNIVERSE CAN EXCUSE OR JUSTIFY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

The first thing we have to understand is that domestic violence is not a mistake. A mistake is neglecting to separate colors from whites before throwing the load in the washing machine. A mistake is accidentally deleting a recorded show that someone was dying to catch up on. Heck, a mistake is forgetting to pick up that gallon of milk from the store for the kids’ breakfast cereal. What is not a mistake, however, is intentionally balling a fist and striking another human being with it, repeatedly. This is not a mistake because the abuser has rationalized that the only way he can let off steam is to inflict pain on someone he perceives as weaker. That is not a mistake. That is sadism/wickedness/abuse/violence. To understand that domestic violence is not a mistake, we have to realize that no matter how much a female boss infuriates him, a man will NEVER lift his hands to hit her. Why? Because he understands that there will be consequences for that action.

Also, the fact that a woman “rants” at her husband is not justification for abuse. Husbands and wives argue all the time. The wife may rant. The husband may equally rant in return. That, however, is where it should end, ranting. A man cannot presume to silence his wife with his fists. An adage is my dialect says that there cannot be two mad people at once. A very good reason why I say that “ranting” is not justification for abuse is that parents rant too and no child would dare hit his mother. Sometimes, my mom scolds me from sunrise to sundown (I may call this ranting), so should I silence her with a slap or punch?

The reason men get away with hitting their wives/girlfriends in Nigeria, but not their bosses or parents is that there are dire consequences for hitting the latter group. If a man hits his boss, he would not only lose his job, he may even end up in jail. If a man hits his mother, I am sure we all can imagine what the outcome would be. Wives/girlfriends should not passively accept abuse. There must be consequences for abusing wives/girlfriends because if a man realizes what he will lose if he hits his partner, I am sure he will refrain from even thinking it let alone doing it. We must change the conversation from “was she “ranting” at him” to “what is the maximum sentence we can give this man for abusing his partner” in order to ensure that there are consequences for men that abuse our mothers, sisters, daughters, friends, and neighbors.

To those that say, “So you just walk away from a home you have built over the years,” I will tell you the same thing I told an elderly Nigerian woman: “I will not throw away my marriage because my husband have already decided to throw the marriage away the second he decided to use me as a punching bag.” To those that may term this a “spiritual firing from outsiders,” I call bullshit. If my husband wants to allow himself to be the “devil’s vessel” in the form of abusing me, I will gladly spread the welcome mat for Satan himself to occupy the space I will vacate.

Again I repeat, THERE IS NO EXCUSE OR JUSTIFICATION FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. If a man hits you, don’t wait for any umunna or kindred meeting. Take your things and run. Today, it may be just one slap, but tomorrow it may be a slap, a punch, and a kick, and next tomorrow it will be a slap, a punch, a kick, a koboko, a casket, and a six-feet deep grave.

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12 thoughts on “It Was Just One Slap

  1. hrh7 says:

    Wonderful article.
    But there always needs to be a place for reconciliation. Over the years, women have been beaten and have kept quiet about it, yes.
    While I don’t support that, I must believe that it was never encouraged either.
    But there are multifarious reasons for reconciliation at all points.
    Still, I love the article

    Like

  2. […] and urgent help. Suppose, for instance, that a helpless woman runs to me for advice because her husband shuts her up for ranting by punching the living daylights out of her. Should I just give her the palatable advice of “pray about it” […]

    Like

  3. Obisco1 says:

    Reblogged this on RoastCorn&Ube and commented:
    This post spoke my mind in some many ways that I felt I had no choice but to reblog it; the first time I’m doing so.
    It has to be done. The more we shed light on Domestic Violence, the less chance it has of hiding in the dark.
    Clichéd or not, Say not to Domestic Violence!

    Like

  4. Obisco1 says:

    Nne, just reblogged your post. Hope you don’t mind? The word has to be spread!

    Like

  5. Kachi says:

    Just like the author said. There is no JUSTIFICATION for abuse, be it verbal or physical. Haven’t done research but I like to believe that men who hit their women are insecure. For those who still argue that rant is a justifiable reason, (there are still people like that) Just imagine a situation where the woman is stronger than the man, no matter how much she ‘rants’ the man wouldn’t near her with a fist, (because na die e don enter), so how far with the rants premise?.
    If a man hasn’t come to the realisation and acceptance that one of the socially characteristic aligned to the female sex is that they ‘rant’ a lot, I don’t know what he is looking for in a relationship.

    If one wants to stay or leave a relationship after an abuse incident is one’s choice. But please, do report. Take necessary action. Have him arrested, sanctioned properly. By the law. Not family members (reasons of patriarchy)

    Bless all women. More especially Kambili 😀

    Like

    • Awwww… Kachi, thanks and a million blessings to you too.

      I believe that men who abuse women do so because they believe they have someone who is “weaker” than them to torment. Those kind of people never pick a fight with other able bodied men. It is only for their wives’ bodies that they will be forming hulk Hogan.

      Like

  6. mizraph says:

    When I started reading this,I thought you, (we) were being a bit too harsh on the guys.
    Maybe for some its a mistake that will never repeat itself. That’s untill I read the part about a guy never slapping his female boss no matter how much she annoys him!!

    Like

    • Welcome my dear. My belief is that people respond with violence depending on how much they have to lose. A lot of people do not slap all those military guys that can harass them on the road and that’s because the result will be catastrophic, but when it comes to their wives/girlfriends, they will be forming hulk hogan because they believe they have nothing to lose there.

      Like

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The Author

My name is Kambili M.A Chimalu. This is a space where I share my thoughts, from the highly controversial to the mundane. I would love nothing more than to share this space with people who will motivate me to work towards a better tomorrow, so I welcome anyone that wants to share this space with me.

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